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Friday, February 28, 2014

john keats. on first looking into chapman's homer. [poems]


Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,
     And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;
     Round many western islands have I been
Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.
Oft of wide expanse had I been told
     That deep-brow'd Homer ruled as his demesne;
     Yet did I never breathe its pure serene
Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold: 
Then felt I like some watcher of the skies
     When a new planet swims into his ken;
Or like stout Cortez when with his eagle eyes
     He star'd at the Pacific - and all his men 
Look'd at each other with wild surmise -
     Silent, upon a peak in Darien.
Keats, John. "On First Looking Into Chapman's Homer". The Norton Anthology of Poetry. 5th ed. Eds. Margaret Ferguson, Mary Jo Salter and Jon Stallworthy. New York, London : W.W. Norton & Company, 2005.



Thursday, February 27, 2014

we survived guca. [friendship, memories, travels, good things, music, endurance, scribblings and much more]

 We survived Guca. The significance of this sentence has changed immensely since its first utterance. Almost instantaneously I knew that those three words expressed more than just a mere feeling of relief, they express the essence of a friendship that I had come to value more than anything else and here’s why:

A few months back, we were laying on the ground near our tent in the makeshift sun-shelter early in the morning. We had long given up the hope on building something more permanent than the always almost-collapsing umbrella, that we bought in the tiny Serbian village, and over which we threw our dusty towels in an effort to make our shelter more opaque to protect us a little better from the burning sun. We did not have the energy, nor the inventiveness necessary for a more ambitious project. The fortunate few who woke up before everyone else crawled out of their tents - which were already much like saunas by 7.30 in the morning – now occupied the sparse spots which provided solid shadow. They were asleep again, enjoying the escape that sleep offered from the heat, from the dust and the general madness that was: The Trumpet Festival in Guca.
Exhausted from traveling through the Balkans in old buses without air-conditioning, looking for camping places where people were clearly not used to the concept of camping, and eager to avoid the masses of insane Serbian tourists at the coast of Montenegro we thought we might as well already head towards Guca, even though the festival would not start until later that week. When we arrived at the bus stop in Cacak at around 4 or 5am we were so tired that we just unpacked our sleeping bags right in the middle of the city park and when we woke up among joggers, people walking their dogs and old people chatting away in their wheelchairs we were only too enthusiastic about the prospects of the comfort of a camping site with showers, a toilet and maybe the possibility to wash our clothes. We then randomly bumped into a man who introduced himself as Jason and who was, as it turned out, employed by the owners of the very campground that we booked a few days earlier. He was in charge of organizing the transport of festival visitors to and from Guca. He took us to his place in Cacak, where we played with two tiny kittens in the backyard and drank coffee – good coffee for a change - and generally felt like in heaven. Little did we know what expected us in Guca…
When we arrived there, nothing was quite finished and we enjoyed walking through the little town, observing the locals getting ready for the festival. We set up our tent, took a shower, recharged my cell and were incredibly grateful for the woman who offered that we could throw our clothes into her washing machine.
After that everything that I remember from the following days is insane heat, grilled meat everywhere (the smell was almost unbearable), drunk people, loud people in quantities that are difficult to fathom, and what seems like millions of little brass bands roaming the street with their ear-drum-tearing music. For a vegetarian, now vegan, who does not drink and does not like big crowds this was definitely going to be a challenge. In retrospect, I ask myself why we even wanted to go there… However, there were also incredibly beautiful moments that I will forever cherish. There were so many little moments we thoroughly enjoyed; like dying of laughter whilst carrying the tent with all our stuff in it from one campground to the other in the dead of night so as to avoid the insane guide; talking for hours, because there was just nothing else to do; admiring the amazing spectacle of all the spontaneous jamming sessions with people from all over the world at the couch surfing campground; bumping into friends from Canada, the US and Germany in the midst of all the dancing people on the busiest little square in town and so much more.
However, they pale in comparison with the big one, the one why we stuck it out there in the first place: Goran Bregovich’s concert. It was magical, simply amazing, and made everything worth it.
If we only wanted to hear this one concert though, we could have left and returned just for the concert but by the middle of the week, the phrase “we  survived guca” has already been established and assumed a broader sense. It was almost a dare, a challenge and so many other things from our lives became entangled with it. It was basically the feeling that we can do anything in the world, if we can just survive this thing right now. It connected the dots.
I mentioned above that I feel like it expresses the essence of a friendship. When I met Jess in Newfoundland, we decided to travel across Canada together. She had just finished university and I, well, I was just glad I could prolong my desperate escape from everything back home and so we started hitchhiking from one coast to the other. Now, traveling with someone else, I found, is not always easy but traveling with Jess just felt like the easiest thing in the world. She was full of energy when I was not, she took the initiative when I was unsure of something and the other way round. Over the years, when I was back in Europe, we did not very frequently hear from each other and when I visited her in Vancouver, it felt as if we were living parallel lives and we were both in a weird place in our lives, ignoring important questions. However, I always felt that the deep friendship never ceased to exist. What makes our friendship special is that it somehow is an enabler for both of us. We are craziest when we are together and are encouraging each other by unconditionally standing behind each other, having each others backs. In Serbia, I felt more strongly than ever that we both have to fight many battles still, but we survived Guca and therefore, we will survive everything.

Our friendship's strength lies in our reminding each other of that. 
As Tim Cahill once stated, "a journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles" and I certainly have found a friend I wanna go on lots of future travels with and experience tons of adventures with in the coming years. 
Also, Mark Twain said, "I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them." Well, we have traveled around together quite extensively and we're already planning yet another journey. 
That says it all, I think.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

ed sheeran. i see fire. [songs]

how weird that it is possible that you can be friends with someone for so many years without noticing that your music taste is actually quite similar. although, to be fair what music we listen to changed quite a bit over all those years. we started out from different places i guess. 
yesterday my friend showed me this video:




since i spent the last couple of weeks mostly listening to older stuff i never really stumbled over this song before (i don't listen to radio often since most of the channels are playing crap here in switzerland ninetynine percent of the time) and i just instantly fell in love with it. i love the guitar, the way the layering of the deep and the higher pitched voice lends the recording depth and such a special quality. we then browsed through youtube videos of our favourite songs and were both surprised about how similar our likes and dislikes are. it is just wonderful to suddenly have this new connection in an old friendship, gain a new understanding for each other and share yet another interest, additional to the ones you already shared before. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

to kill a king. choices. [songs]

a couple of weeks back one of my dearest friends told me that she had a surprise for me and that i should not plan anything for the first of february. 
well, when i arrived at her place that night she had the most delicious dinner ever prepared and afterwards we went to a concert at bogen f, quite a cool concert venue i had never been to before. now, i very much love live music, however, since pretty much everything is expensive in zurich (concerts are no exception), i kinda spent the winter hibernating in my apartment, reading and learning for uni, working out at the gym and ...at work. occasionally, i would visit friends, spend some time at my parents' place and just going to a little café was something special to me. 
i love züri. i really do. and in summer it is an amazing place. it's just that there is not a whole lot you can do during the winter that does not cost you money. 
so, after an entire winter of entertainmant deprivation i was incredibly excited to have the pleasure to enjoy live music again. and it was everything i hoped for. and apparently longed for more than i thought i did .



i did not know to kill a king before that evening but when the whole room joined in when they played  the song choices i almost had a little cry then and there. 
oh, it would have been tears of joy.
thank you anina.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

pretending it's spring already. [good things]

i rarely buy flowers for myself. i usually walk by the little flower shops and restrain myself from buying something by reminding myself that it is just not a necessary expense and that, to be honest, i can use that money very well to buy me some food. or just generally stuff that i need.
however, since my roommate brought those wonderful flowers home last week i have just been so enamored by the beauty and the dash of color it adds to our dining room that i've been thinking: maybe it is worth spending a little money every once in a while on stuff like that if it makes me so very happy every single time i walk past those flowers.









Tuesday, February 11, 2014

the view from my apartment. [good things]

there are many, many things i love about my apartment but the view beats them all. i love getting up in the morning, sitting in my comfy armchair, enjoying my morning coffee in silence, whilst observing the everchanging sky, its innumerable colors and the dramatic atmospheres, created by the clouds. no two mornings are the same and the sense of calmness it always conveys is inestimable to me. i am enamored with the soft golden glow, the bright silver surface of the lake, its glare comparable to that of a mirror, breaking through the greyish-blue clouds. more than anything though i  appreciate it if its a clear day and i can see the mountains.







Saturday, February 8, 2014

jose gonzales. far away & cycling trivialities. [songs]

jose gonzales' music always takes me back to a time when i was fighting severe panic attacks. its monotone yet beautiful melodies and the repetitiveness calmed me down while the somehow earthy quality of the songs kept me in a weird way - that i cannot explain adequately - connected to the world around me. it felt as if the songs evoked an echo inside my on body, ensuring my existence. 


for the longest time afterwards i chose to ignore the existence of the songs that were so vital for me during those weeks and months in order to leave all the memory behind me and it was just last week when i stumbled over joni mitchell's song "the priest" whilst working out. twenty long seconds i reveled at the "rediscovery" of jose gonzales' music and it was only after those seconds, filled with seeming familiarity, that i realized abrupty that i was mistaken and i recognized joni mitchells voice. i am glad that she made me fall in love with jose gonzales' songs again. they are now not songs anymore that are needed so as to survive but reminders of what i have overcome.



alt-j. ms. [songs]






this song reminds me so much of all those evenings my friend and i spent crawled up next to a little fire, somewhere close to the ocean. somehow, there was always a bit of sand which made its way into our sleeping bags, no matter how hard we tried to keep it from happening.